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  • [mass destruction]
    Hi I'm busy doing massive destruction, terrorizing large cities, and putting millions of people in therapy. Leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
    [contributed by moongrl@tampabay.rr.com]

  • [macking pizza]
    I'm macking pizza, yeah that's right..macking. I was like, 'yo baby, you wanna share dat cheese sweetie', and it was all like, '...'(because pizza can't talk of course), and then I sorta got depressed because I was trying to mack on a pizza...now we're arguing...I should be back in a minute.
    [contributed by Justin]

  • [madlib]
    Try this mad lib!
    Hello, __________ I want to ________ you with a ______________ in the ____________ for ____________ cents. Will you proceed to ____________________________________________________? Please stop ______________________ with that sharp looking ________________________. Oh yes, please__________________________________________. The end.
    [contributed by iwag64@ aol.com]

  • [mass murder]
    I am out on a mass murder right now. Leave your name, number, and address, and I'll kill you -- I mean, callyou -- as soon as possible.
    [contributed by anonymous]

  • [momma don't allow]
    Momma don't allow no aboveground nuclear testing 'round here
    Momma don't allow no aboveground nuclear testing 'round here
    Well we don't care what Momma don't allow-
    *sound of explosion*
    ~The Austin Lounge Lizards- Momma Don't Allow
    [contributed by drama_queen2357@ hotmail.com]

  • [monster]
    You are going to be eaten by a big hairy monster. Have a nice day!
    [contributed by Ariana]

  • [namaqueland]
    hey yall. whats up? well it seems that the hottentots from namaqueland have taken over my house. they split my head open and are simmering my head over a low flame with barbeque sauce. yum! they tried my brother, but his head was too big and hard. dammit. pardon meeh while i stuff my brains back in my head.
    [contributed by Ziggy]

  • [ni]
    I am out looking for a shrubbery. Will be back soon.
    [contributed by drama_queen2357@ hotmail.com]

  • [not busy]
    I'm not busy, you just suck.
    [contributed by Ziggy]

  • [not too far]
    I'm away right now. But I'm not too far away. So if you put your face real close to the screen and scream real loud I just might hear ya.

    No? Well, I'll be back eventually...
    [contributed by Elizabeth]

  • [NSA]
    You have reached the NSA early warning hotline. Since you are not supposed to know this number, an ominous, black utility van with a generic small business logo will soon be parked near your home for closer observations on your daily activity. Please leave a message, and have a nice day. :-)
    [contributed by Leland]

  • [numbers]
    Press 1 if you like me
    Press 2 if you hate me
    Press 3 if you're mad at me
    If you have a shrine with pix of me on your dresser, press "I am a gothic freakazoid"
    If you want to be my boyfriend, forget pressing numbers; IM ME.
    [contributed by flyingeagle30@ earthlink.net]

  • [ogre]
    Me not here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.
    [contributed by wsupsm@ msn.com]

  • [ouch..]
    ::You see a small pool of blood and flesh..::
    [contributed by fearfuldreams@ aol.com]

  • [padded room]
    The people in the white coats have come to take me now. If you wish to speak with me, please leave a message with my nurse, and I will get back to you as soon as I finish my therapy in the padded room.
    [contributed by Ariana]

  • [party]
    I'm sorry, I'm busy partying in the Moshe Pit in my head. Leave me a message. If you would like to join me, press 2 and I will shrink you into my head to join me. Bring your own beer. Just stay away from the drunk Rabid Reindeer. He gets feisty when he drinks!
    [contributed by centerofworld@ hotmail.com]

  • [pen]
    I'm actually here, but I can't send any messages because my stupid pen won't write on the screen. I need a new pen. Do you have one?
    [contributed by drama_queen2357@ hotmail.com]

  • [playing game]
    I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen. Is that just the stupidest automated away message you have ever heard or what?
    [contributed by blinksalterego@ hotmail.com]

  • [playstation]
    Y'know those playstation ads that say "Live in your world, play in ours"? well... i think i'm having a problem with that.... Or I fell asleep watching Digimon reruns again *shrugs* well, either way I'll tell you how it works out.
    [contributed by ryo_ohki_meowmeow@ yahoo.com]

  • [poptart]
    I am out collecting sprinkles for my breakfasty self.

  • [psychiatric]
    Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline!
    - If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
    - If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.
    - If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press. Nobody will answer.
    - If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are AND we are out to get you. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.
    - If you are anal retentive, press 1, 5, 6, 8 and the # simultaneously, while standing on one foot and hopping.
    [This one isn't mine.. but I never knew who the original author was.]

  • [porcelain god]
    keep your pants on... please, no one needs to see that. i'll be back soon after ive finished my sacrifices to the white porcelain god.
    [contributed by Lazarustears@ yahoo.com]

  • [potato]
    I am in an intellectual discussion with a potato. Soon I'll be so caught up in whether it was Descartes or Voltaire who first advocated empiricism, that it will fail to strike me as a bit odd that the potato knows much of anything about 17th-century French philosophers. In fact, it knows more about them than I do. Later, that will probably irritate me.... I'll be back...
    [contributed by gracieh@ mags.net]

  • [priceless]
    Halloween costume: $20.00
    Red Contacts: $15:00
    The look of fear and impending doom on your party guest's faces when they realize that you really are the devil and will take their souls...
    [contributed by jen@legal-one.com]

  • [primordial soup]
    OH MY GOD! The people back in primordial soup-ish times need my help!

    ::yells:: I'M COMING SOUP PEOPLE....and I'm bringing....::people gasp:: my chicken....::chicken clucks in the distance:: I'll be back as soon as I'm finished...::chicken runs away:: Hey....WAAAAAAAAAIT! ooooh....my chicken...::sobs:: ::gun shot:: ::thud:: ::dies::
    [contributed by Elizabeth]

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