Not all of these quotes are funny, but the vast majority are.

D | E | F | G | H |

*- D

  • "It's not too small; it's too thin!"
    °  Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
  • "The only time you even see 'the people' is when you look down to see who it is you're stepping on."
    °  Die Hard 2
  • "Wow, our last day on earth. If I had a dick, I'd go get laid. We can do the next best thing, though."
    "What's that?"
    "Kill people."
    °  Dogma
  • "No, she is the Undead!"
    "She's alive?!"
    "No! She is Nosferatu!"
    "She's Italian!?"
    °  Dracula: Dead and Loving It
  • "Strength is the only thing that matters. Everything else is an illusion for the weak."
    °  Dragonball Z
  • "Ugly? What mean ugly?"
    "It means your face would frighten small children!"
    °  Dragonball Z
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*- E

  • "Dance with the Devil and the Devil don't change; the Devil changes you."
    °  Eight MM
  • "There are three rules in life. One, there's always a victim; and two, don't be it."
    "And three?"
    "I forgot what three is."
    °  Eight MM
  • "Who glued these quarters to the floor?"
    "I did."
    "What the hell did you do that for?"
    "I don't feel I need to explain my art to you, Warren."
    °  Empire Records
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*- F

  • "Let's play swallow all the stuff under the sink!"
    °  The Family Guy
  • "You don't need to wear a patch on your arm to have honor."
    °  A Few Good Men
  • "Sir! are you classified as human?"
    "No! I'm a... meat popsicle!"
    °  The Fifth Element
  • "Whoa!!  You're shooting a gun at your imaginary friend, who is standing in front of a van loaded with 400lbs of nitroglycerin!"
    °  Fight Club
  • "Just because you have feathers up your butt doesn't make you a chicken."
    °  Fight Club
  • "How do you prove that you exist? Maybe we don't exist.
    °  Final Fantasy IX
  • "The only dependable thing about the future is uncertainty.
    °  Final Fantasy IX
  • "You don't need a reason to help people."
    °  Final Fantasy IX
  • "Pick spot. Shut up. Wait."
    °  Final Fantasy X
  • "Don't call me stupid."
    "Oh, right. To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep that could outwit you! I've worn dresses with higher IQs!"
    °  A Fish Called Wanda
  • "I want to be the first kid on my block with a confirmed kill."
    °  Full Metal Jacket
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*- G

  • "Raid kills bugs DEAD. In case you thought there was some LIVE kinda killing."
    °  Gallagher - Overboard
  • "We all know God invented liquor to keep the Irish from ruling the world."
    °  The Ghost and the Darkness
  • "I think we better split up."
    "Good idea. We can do more damage that way."
    °  Ghostbusters
  • "You mean you never even had a slinky??"
    "We had part of a slinky.. But I straightened it."
    °  Ghostbusters II
  • "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
    °  Gone with the Wind
  • "...But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How am I funny?? ... How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me! Tell me what's funny!!"
    °  GoodFellas
  • "Debbie, I love you," shoots a man twice, beats him with a frying pan, shoots him again. "And I really think we could make this work."
    °  Grosse Point Blank
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*- H

  • "I have something to say: It's better to burn out, than to fade away!"
    °  The Highlander
  • "All that glitters is not gold. All those who wander are not lost."
    °  The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolkien
  • "The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes."
    °  The Hound of the Baskervilles - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
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