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Not all of these quotes are funny, but the vast majority are.
A |
B |
C |
*- A
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"If I'm not back in five minutes... Just wait longer."
° Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
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"The guy with the rubber gloves was surprisingly gentle."
° Ace Ventura - Pet Detective
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"AAAA! It's in the bone! Quick, throw me a spear!"
--fling-- ... ::snkik::..
"Gyah! ARGH!"
° Ace Ventura II - When Nature Calls
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"Surely you can't be serious!"
"I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."
° Airplane!
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"Doctor, can you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?"
"I'm sorry, I don't do impressions. My training is in Psychiatry."
° Airplane II: The Sequel
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"Combination hooka and coffee maker! Will not break! Will not- it broke.."
° Aladdin
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"That's, uh, quite a dress you almost have on."
° An American in Paris
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"Get OFF.. the nuclear.. warhead."
° Armageddon
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"Good... Bad... I'm the guy with the gun."
° Army of Darkness
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"Why won't you die?!"
° Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
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*- B
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"You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?"
° Batman
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"Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?"
° Batman and Robin
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"Has anyone ever told you you have a SERIOUS impulse control problem?!"
° Batman Forever
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"Holy rusted metal, Batman!"
"Huh?"
"The island.. it's made out of rusted metal.. and holey.. you know.."
"Oh."
° Batman Forever
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"You may be a king, or a little street sweeper,
But sooner or later, you dance with the reaper."
° Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
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"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."
° Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
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"Where you headed, cowboy?"
"Nowhere special."
"Nowhere special... I always wanted to go there.."
° Blazing Saddles
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"What's your name?"
"Well, my name is Jim. But most people call me... Jim."
° Blazing Saddles
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All of us are travelers lost
our tickets arranged at a cost
unknown but beyond our means.
This odd itinerary of scenes
- enigmatic, strange, unreal -
leaves us unsure how to feel.
No post-mortem journey is rife
with more mystery than life.
° The Book of Counted Sorrows - Dean Koontz
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"I don't know what's scarier, losing a nuclear warhead, or that it happens so often there's actually a term for it."
° Broken Arrow
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"You're out of your mind."
"Yeah.. Ain't it cool?"
Broken Arrow
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*- C
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"I came to Casablanca for the waters."
"The waters? What waters? We're in the desert."
"I was misinformed."
° Casablanca
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"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."
° Casablanca
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Dear Mrs., Mr., Miss, or Mrs. Daneeka: Words cannot express the deep personal
grief I experienced when your husband, son, father or brother was killed,
wounded, or reported missing in action.
° Catch-22
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"Theoretically, people see money on a counter and no one around, they think they're
being watched."
"Honesty through paranoia..."
° Clerks
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"This job would be great, if it weren't for the f--king customers."
° Clerks
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"My friend here is trying to convince me that
any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were
innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels."
° Clerks
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"Professor Plum, you were once a professor in Psychiatry, specializing
in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions
of grandeur."
"Yes, but now I work for the United Nations."
"So, your work has not changed.."
° Clue
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"Well, he was always a rather stupidly optimistic man - it came a a
great SHOCK to him when he died, but he was found dead at home, his head had
been cut off. And so had his um... you know..."
° Clue
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- "The Aboriginees call him.. 'Jebejedehadeda.' Which means!.. The crocodile, who walks like a man."
° Crocodile Dundee II
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"Whatever you do in this life, be true to yourself."
° Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
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"Greed is for amateurs. Disorder, Chaos, Anarchy.. Now that's fun!"
° The Crow
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"It can't rain all the time."
° The Crow
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