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Not all of these quotes are funny, but the vast majority are.
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*- P
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"It is much safer to be feared than to be loved, if one must choose."
° The Prince, Machiavelli
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- "We find the defendants incredibly guilty."
° The Producers
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*- S
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"I only got two things in this world, my word and my balls. I don't break 'em
for nobody."
° Scarface
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"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava
beans and a nice Chianti."
° Silence of the Lambs
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"I can't have his money, I can't print my own money. I have to work for my money, why don't I just LAY DOWN AND DIE ohhhh.."
° The Simpsons
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"Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?"
° Sixteen Candles
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"You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do
is give them a meaningful look."
° Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
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"Ah!..I see your schwartz is as big as mine."
° Spaceballs
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"Evil will always triumph, because Good is dumb."
° Spaceballs
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"As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than create."
° Star Trek II - Wrath of Khan
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"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
° Star Trek II - Wrath of Khan
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"An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
° Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country
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"First rule of assassination: Kill the assassins."
° Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country
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"Please let me know if there's some other way we can screw up tonight."
° Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country
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"The line must be drawn here! This far, no farther. And I will make them pay for what they've done."
° Star Trek - First Contact
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"How many people does it take, Admiral, before it becomes wrong?"
° Star Trek - Insurrection
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- "Giving up is fun! And look at all the time you
save!"
° Stuart Little 2
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"You wanna buy some death sticks?"
"You don't want to sell me death sticks."
"I don't want to sell you death sticks."
"You want to go home and
rethink your life."
"I want to go home and rethink my life."
° (Star Wars) Attack of the Clones
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"Alright, I'll give it a try."
"No! Try not. Do.. or do not. There is no try."
° (Star Wars) The Empire Strikes Back
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*- T
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"A Jose Canseco bat... Tell me you didn't pay money for this."
° Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
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"Is your head up your ass for the warmth?"
° Tremors 3
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"They call him the Sand Spider."
"Why do they call him that?"
"Probably because it sounds scary."
° True Lies
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*- U
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"Joseph, we do not shoot friends."
° Unbreakable
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"You gotta gun? Give it to me."
"I told you, Ted, I don't carry a gun."
"Jeff's a lousy shot. He had to bribe the examiner at
the FBI-"
"That's a lie, I bribed the guy at the CIA. I blackmailed the guy at the FBI."
° Undercover Blues
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*- W
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"I don't even have a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire gun rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack??"
° Wayne's World
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- "I'm not bad.. I'm just drawn that way."
° Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
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*- Z
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"You think your too cool for school, but I've got a
newsflash for you Walter Kronkite............you are-ent.."
° Zoolander
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"The file is IN the computer? How exactly do we get it out?!" [Crash]
"I don't see any files..."
° Zoolander
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