Note to Self: ...

1. Try not to cough while drinking.
2. Coughing is painful. Try to do it as little as possible.
3. Never leave coke in your mouth too long. It gets very hot and turns your teeth to rubber.
4. It is best not to stand in the rain when you are sick.
5. Never try to swim in a puddle. It just makes you look silly.
6. On second thought, swim in a puddle. Note peoples expressions.
7. Be sure not to swim in the puddle when its cold. It's just not good common sense.
8. Stare at people at school. Note their expressions.
9. Tobasco sauce is not the best medicine.
10. Never say you think you may cough up a lung. Because one day you will cough up that lung, and it won't be too pretty.
11. Get really close to finding the secret of the universe, but get bored at the last minute and go play video games.
12. Don't piss God off...For obvious reasons.
13. Never remove things from the top of your head. It just becomes a painful, sticky mess.
14. All electronic equipment is out to get you.
15. Stay away from Radioshack.
16. Despite what you may think, you did not invent duct tape.
17. Coconuts are....painful.
18. Always carry a map. That way you know where you are lost at.
19. Despite what you may think, you are not omnipotent.
20. Think of a way to become omnipotent. Tell no one.
21. Don’t die alone. Take many people with you.
22. Remember, your name is Josh. This may come up.

[notes below contributed by devinsuel @ cs.com, who decided everyone was upstaging him in the notes department.]


23. They will live to regret this. Repeat this aloud as often as possible.
24. Smirk, as if you know something, from time to time.  This will eventually cause people to tell you their secrets.
25. God is everywhere. This makes for a tough game of hide-and-seek.
26. In regard to previous note: stop doing anything!
27. If someone in a green suit offers you a free trip to Afghanistan, Israel, or Palestine, avoid this person at any cost.
28. Floor is slippery when wet.
29. Lake is slippery when dry.
30. Sun is bright when lit properly.
31. Do not stare directly at the sun…unless it stares at you first.  At which point, standard staring contest rules apply.
32. Only talk to strangers you know.
33. Strangers you don't know are all spies... Kill them all.
34. For legal purposes be sure to erase last entry.
35. Tell all your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you.
36. Regarding previous note: Upon telling your friends about the spies that are trying to kill you, be sure to kill them…for security purposes
37.  
38. You're telling yourself too much.
39. Crying isn’t going to help anything.  Try your luck with violent mood swings.
40. Mirrors are not portals to parallel universes; do not purposely run into them because of obscene gestures made by your counterpart.
41.  Do not run with scissors stuck in your foot.
42.  Do not read between the lines;  you’ll never learn anything like that.
43. Assemble your twelve closest friends, and start a war with Canada.
44.  Find some way of making twelve close friends.
45. Upon taking Canada, be sure to gloat about it, and make outrageous mandates such as replacing the word "Hello" with "Boo-ya!"
46. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
47. 73 years from now, adding up 6% interest, your current friends will owe you a total of $53,325.32.
48. Make new friends;  see note number 44.
49. Friends are over-rated, enemies make life a lot more interesting.

1. Next time you kill someone, make sure that they are indeed DEAD, as failure to do so may result in some nasty questions...
2. The Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about.
3. New evidence emerges, disregard last note.
4. Look into possible "stalker" reference in the following excerpt: ...and everywhere that Mary went...
5. Remember to eat more than once today.
6. For best results: turn knob, THEN open door.
7. Remember not to run with scissors. Even trotting with them at a good clip may be dangerous.
8. Never leave car keys in your pocket when playing on the Slip 'n Slide.
9. You left your car keys on the night stand.
10. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
11. For the last time, you cannot fly. No matter how far off the ground you are when you begin flapping your arms.
12. Even with a good tail wind.
13. Run into a crowded firehouse and yell, "Theatre!!"
14. Remember to rewind tape and find out where you left your car keys.
15. Breathing is a good way to avoid blacking out while driving.
16. Flammable and Inflammable mean the same thing.
17. Lather, rinse, repeat.
18. Heheh, "a good clip." Trotting with scissors...."clip." Write that one down.
19. Unlike a fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
20. Do not let your eyes off of the mosquitoes for a minute! They have begun mobilizing.
21. In one study, laboratory rats died after 17 days without sleep. Learn from the mistakes of others.
22. Ship has crashed on a desert world. Food supplies running low. Robotic assistant damaged beyond repair. Child dying. Wife fading fast. Never let Dr. Smith do the driving again.
23. Investigate this whole "Critical Mass" thing after the klaxon dies down.
24. Car keys found. Now, where did I put my car?
25. The chicken/egg thing has been resolved.
26. And always remember...uh...um...damn.
27. Buy more micro-sized tapes for recorder.

1. Beware of them. They are everywhere.
2. You cannot drink alcohol pads, no matter how hard you try.
3. Buy garden gnome outfit.
4. Put gnome outfit on.
5. Sit on someone's lawn, stay there for days, if possible recruit a friend to be the troll under the bridge.
6. Steal a lawn chair and sit on your lawn pointing a hair dryer at cars.
7. Salami is your friend.
8. Bob did it.
9. The universe revolves around your teddy bear, no matter what they say.
10. Do not try and eat your own grey matter.
11. Your grandmother is NOT a zombie, don't attack her.
12. Your great grandmother is still in her grave, do not dig it up.
13. Recruit an army of flying monkeys.
14. Make a plan of world domination, tell no one.
15. In school do not laugh maniacally and say "You all will be my slaves." They just don't have a sense of humor.
16. The men in white coats are not your friends.
17. If god talks to you, do not be sarcastic doing so may result in painful repercussions.
18. You do not have wings.
19. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to prevent a lawsuit.
20. Tke insrt off.
21. Buy more sticky pads.

1. Stop listening to Voice
2. I have the body of a god. . .
3. Research Buddha
4. The faculty doesn't like revolution.
5. Goldfish don't like milk.
6. Setting the class pet free is not peaceful protest.
7. Ground Voice.
8. The restroom is not a water park.
9. The cat doesn't like baths.
10. Can't sleep.  Ompalumpa's will eat me.
11. Hold tryouts for a minion.
12. Find out who made up the word "pianist".
13. Build time machine.  Go back in time.  Stop Ex's parents from reproducing.
14. Go to the movies "Bring it on" and "Loser."
15. The lava lamp gets hot.
16. Christmas lights are for indoor or outdoor use only, do not eat them.
17. Get hot tub and a giant rubber ducky.
18. You are not intimidating with a booger hanging out of your nose.
19. Voice!  Go to your corner!
20. The shooting gallery is not a good place to find a date.
21. The cat just doesn't like water.
22. Be careful of rusty nails.
23. Get a tetanus shot.
24. Finish what I start.
25. Buy more note bo-

1. people are staring at you.
2. so act insane.
3. when seeing Lord of the Rings cheer for the trees.
4. Spongebob is the knower of ALL wisdom.
5. if today is not your day, then make sure it's no one else day either.
6. when seeing Star Wars do not try to take the lightsaber from the screen.
7. When the people in the white jackets come, ask for a room with lots of pointy objects.
8. If that doesn't work ask them for a designer jacket.
9. When people give you strange looks make sure you go up and start shaking their hand.
10. If accused of world domination, just turn and walk away.
11. Then go home a plot world destruction since they know of your last plan.
12. If you live in your own little happy world, I will find you.
13. Mint gum can cure anything except schizophrenia.
14. Some people live, some peole die, and I rule.
15. Never try to image Yoda as a football fan. -shudder-
16. Pointy objects are fun.
17. Dragons are fun until the knight shows up, then you have to lie low so they blame the dragon.
18. If life gives you lemons, throw them at someone.
19. People are weird, but not as weird as me.
20. Coffee is my friend.
21. Go away.

1. Do not attempt to fly, your life will probably last longer.
2. No matter how hungry you get, only eat food.
3. Make sure the chair is under you before you sit.
4. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out...
5. Go to Playdium for 16 hours straight.
6. Memorize the Phone book.
7. Do not forget where you live, it could cause problems.
8. Buy a flamethrower.
9. Remember: open mouth, then talk.
10. Find another victim.
11. Take over world.
12. Doo nott Missspelll anythinge.
13. Obtain $ 30,000,000,000,000.
14. Put garbage on railroad tracks.
15. Finish the day with a 20 hour nap.

1. Don't taunt animals at the zoo, They have feelings....And teeth.
2. 2. Little people are normally aggressive. Stay away from little people.
3. Most people want you dead. You have to make them think you're dead. Or just kill them...
4. Geckos are most often tasty, But dont eat them..Some are out to get you.
5. Caterpillars and Ants are not friends for the obvious reasons
6. Going through and stealing people's things is a bonding experience. Do this as much as possible
7. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Dont worry, It's only me...Bonding.
8. You'll be in good faith if you try to take over the world, But then settle for cozy Iceland..wait..no..thats mine, STAY AWAY FROM ICELAND.
9. God is vengeful. Don't question the word of god, Just kill them like he asks.
10. Samiche is the proper spelling, don't listen to them.
11. Speaking of little people...They're really mean.
12. That guy on the corner is out to get you. Dispatch him. Tell no one of this task.
13. Flying is not impossible, it just takes lots of practice. Lack of practice can result in lots of pain.
14. Don't let anyone introduce you to the trunk of their car, This will also result in lots of pain.

1. Do not introduce self to strangers as role-playing character.
2. Repeatedly trying to pop wolverine claws only pulls tendons in hands.
3. I am not a wolf. I am not stronger than the average vampire. I do not know karate.
4. The Band-Aids are in the basket below the bathroom sink.
5. The cat is not trying to steal my soul while I sleep. The cat is not trying to steal my soul while I sleep. The cat is not trying to – Ahhh! Away! Get away from me you minion of Satan!!
6. Kill Clippit, the annoying Microsoft Word office assistant. He’s working with the cat.
7. Do not ask (fill in the blank) how he/she is doing.
8. He/she will answer…at length.
9. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
10. Do not answer as fictional characters in public.
11. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
12. Do not go out in public.
13. Remember: Blistex and Itch-B-Gone numbing agent come in the same type of applicator.
14. The mirror is not a portal into another realm. Stop running into it.
15. I told you to stop running into it.
16. The Band-Aids are still under the sink.
17. When cell phone says press any key to answer incoming call, do not press 9. Pressing 9 will cause cell phone to explode, sending fiery shards of plastic flying through your inner ear and into your brain.
18. Band-Aids won’t fit in your ear.
19. Plan for world domination: Clip the paperclips in every government office around the world into loops. Then take over world while former leaders are busy trying to find the ends of the paperclip loops.
20. Find out why people always try to find the end of the paperclip chain instead of just unhooking the first one they grab.
21. Keep world domination plan secret.
22. Make it look like an accident.

1. Your Grandparents 'did' do it all when they were your age.
   
2. Some insect species eat their young.
   
3. Some genetic traits skip a generation.
   
4. And then reverse.
   
5. "Attention customers: Tuesday Night is Senior Citizen Night. Get them fresh, and hot from the oven!"
   
6. "That's the boycooker. You could fit four or five boys in there."
   
7. Never pet a burning dog.
   
8. Always remember to put on clean underwear.
   
9. Before you pet your dog.
   
10. April Showers bring May Flowers.
    
11. Kill the pilgrims.
    
12. Kill the guy with all the bad puns. *points*
    
13. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.
    
14. Naked men dig parkas.
    
15. Beware the Naked Man who Offers You his Parka.
    
16. You know what would look good on you?
    
17. Immolated cockroaches.
    
18. Don't worry, it's just a harmless pemento bug.
    
19. The size of Danny DeVito.
    
20. Making a similar facial expression. Like this.
    
21. Buy fake zits.
    
22. Wear them.
    
23. Procure Oxy. Scream when it does not work. Throw a fit.
    
24. Put the Oxy back on the shelf and refuse to pay for it.
    
25. Use above as justification to stare at female breasts.
    
26. To stare at male breasts.
    
27. I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body. This means what to me?
    
28. My brain functions can't be female. I'm behaving like an idiot.

1. Do not shot self in foot.. I said do not, stupid
   
2. Wear clothese while outside of your house. It helps.
   
3. Never throw wasp nests at rocks.
   
4. after you wake up open your eyes.
   
5. turn on your computer before trying to log on to the internet.
   
6. must, kill, moe... Wheeeeee (homer simpson)
   
7. never ever push the little button.
   
8. or the large one for that matter.
   
9. don't burn in hell, it stings.
   
10. buy more batteries fo......

1. when they start looking for an exit, move in closer.
   
2. everyone's using reverse psychology. when they say no, they really mean yes.
   
3. talk faster. its a race against time!
   
4. the dog CAN talk! they just can't hear him!
   
5. numbers are evil. count in clovers.
   
6. this computer is evil too.
   
7. make a big sign saying 'look at me, im a gumnut tree.'
   
8. stalking is fun. do it more.
   
9. and recruit help. by any means possible.
   
10. rocks move when wet.
    
11. leeches are all anti-christs.
    
12. salt is god. and vice versa.
    
13. phones taste like chicken.

1. If someone else is also trying to take over the world, kill them.
   
2. Memo to self, do not forget this memo.
   
3. Check!
   
4. The computer does not want a kiss.
   
5. Taunt the computer with a virus until the blue screen goes away.
   
6. I win!
   
7. Find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop.
   
8. Get on the super hero's good side, then become the villian.
   
9. Your other personality doesn't need an ice cream too...
   
10. Yes I do!
    
11. No....you do not you pig!
    
12. That's it, I'm outta here! I don't need this verbal abuse!
    
13. You can't leave!!!!! I neeeeeeed you!
    
14. Deep down inside, we're all skitzos.
    
15. No matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.
    
16. That way is rum.
    
17. Those who don't do, teach.
    
18. Your teacher doesn't like it when you call out.
    
19. Your teacher doesn't like it when you raise your hand.
    
20. Throwing books out the window is not a good way to get on the teachers goodside.
    
21. Neither is knocking over desks.
    
22. Be intimidating.
    
23. If you have an old teacher, go ahead and cuss.
    
24. Sing the most annoying song you know.
    
25. Stop when you notice the person next to you is singing along.
    
26. Mission accomplished.
    
27. Say stupid things like 'Speaking of mashed potatoes...'
    
28. Talk in a southern accent.
    
29. Talk in a British accent.
    
30. Tell dumb jokes that make no sense at all, and then just laugh.
    EX: Two polar bears are sittin' in a bath tub, one says, "Go screw in the light bulb", so he did.
    
31. Pretend you have teret syndrome in a public place or transport. i.e., the bus.

1. Yell "MOVIE!" in a fire station.
   
2. Steal people's bumper stickers and replace them with ones that say "MC Hammer is still popular."
   
3. Throw things into the slushie machine, tape all the gossip about the need of an exorcist and absolutely nothing else.
   
4. Attempt to melt your silverware and cooking pots in bonfires.
   
5. Never use punctuation
   
6. Never do laundry.
   
7. Worship the Brady Bunch on a weekly basis in your self made Brady Shrine.
   
8. Plant a cow in the ground, sit there for three days straight believing a Cathedral will grow.
   
9. Have an extensive collection of knives and other sharpy, pointy things.
   
10. Every hour on the hour, yell "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THE PREP STUDENTS ARE COMING!"
    
11. Always wonder if you're in range.
    
12. Use your collection of knifes on a regular basis.
    
13. Beg your doctor to put a metal plate in your head.
    
14. Collect chewed bubblegum.
    
15. Know that constipated people don't give a sh*t.
    
16. Visit Canada, ask everyone if they've caught any beavers lately.
    
17. Before every statement you make, say "Ever since the surgery."

1. Fall down.
   
2. Be rushed to to the hospital.
   
3. Not be saved.
   
4. Be mourned over.
   
5. Be buried in the dirt.
   
6. Have your grave looted.
   
7. Rot.
   
8. Rot.
   
9. Rot.
   
10. Have your bones reanimated and used to cause pain, terror, and utter chaos.

1. In every comic book, there should be at least one character named Bob.
   
2. Do not start the Apocalypse, as this will result in some nasty questioning from God later.
   
3. Cute fuzzy animals have big teeth. Do not pet them.
   
4. All girls should learn to fold school notes like origami in order to confuse boys. Teach girls this sacred art, and maybe some of the more ‘feminine’ guys.
   
5. When doing laundry, you will always lose the skimpiest pair of underwear you own. It will then manifest itself on the back of your dad’s t-shirt which you so neatly folded. This will never happen to your grandma undies.
   
6. Boyfriends do not appreciate your anime guy obsession. Do not mention it to them.
   
7. When riding a horse, remember the ground is hard and your head does not like it.
   
8. Do not go on golf-cart joy rides...no matter how much fun it looks like.
   
9. When fighting a horde of monster aliens and your friends are captured and taken back to the nest...get new friends. They’re dead. Unless you're Ripley..
   
10. Don’t piss off little girls. They have magic powers.
    
11. Your parents will always stumble in on the worst/bloodiest/nudest part of the movie you are watching.
    
12. Sporks are good for flinging rocks and threatening people.
    
13. Remember, unless you're in the Matrix or Dragonheart, the bad guy wears black. Shoot him first.

1. Do not stare at the sun, unless looking through a rubber duckie or eating chinese food.
2. Rubber duckies and chinese food makes everything better
3. Try not to be shocked by the loud disembodied voices in department stores, as no one else seems to be.
4. Wear large trench coat to school. Note people's expressions.
5. Fill trench coat pockets with miscellanious items, such as rubber duckies, duct tape, real ducks, etc. Pull items out while searching for a "Quarter". Note people's expressions.
6. Cold is a figment of your imagination. Just like rain, heat, and time. Pay no attention to it.
7. Upon talking to friends who enjoy secrets, often smile, while trying not to smile, resulting in a smile that looks like you know something. Frequently say things like "I promised not to tell..."
8. It is very hard to write your name normally while circling your left leg counter-clockwise.
9. Russian spies are everywhere. Trust no one.
10. Two words: Trail Mix
11. Often adopt people you see everyday, but never talk to, and don't know their names. Think of a name for them. Keep them in your head as your pet, and have mental conversations with them.
12. Write your name on a sticky note, stick it to your hand so you won't forget.
13. Rubber duckies rule the world. Quack.

1. Don't turn on the white refrigerators or you will get frosted post-its
2. Don't turn off the black refrigerator or you will get rotten food
3. Ignore the post-its that say "NTD" because your physcologist is an idiot.
4. Breathe.
5. Read the post-it above every 10 seconds.
6. NTD: when you feel mad, count to ten.
7. NTD: find your special place when you get stressed.
8. Find a very good murderer to kill the evil physcologist.
9. Find a way to pay for the murderer.
10. Burn the two post-its above when done.
11. Pretend like a normal person when the men in white jackets come, I promise this is one of the best pieces of advice I've ever given.
12. Buy another refrigerator to put post-its on.
13. Remodel kitchen to put the refrigerator in.
14. Buy a tape-recorder, it's supposed to take up less space than post-its.
15. Kill people who call you crazy.
16. Find a way to carry 57 refrigerators.
17. Ignore the remodelist when he asks you why your need a bigger kitchen.
18. Kill yourself if you end up on the 10 most wanted list.
19. Buy more post-its.

1. Go to bathroom when nature calls.
   
2. Do not answer phone when nature calls.
   
3. Anything that has the word ball in it will hit you in the head.
   
4. You cannot kill the snow.
   
5. The snow CAN kill you.
   
6. Grass can also kill you.
   
7. Beware of things that are flying at your head.
   
8. Scratch last note. Beware of everything in genral.
   
9. Just because it works in the movies does not mean it work in real life.
   
10. Screaming shut up at the dog will not help.
    
11. Screaming shut up at the wall will not help.
    
12. Punching brother in gut will help.
    
13. Do above mentioned immediately.
    
14. Do not mention your plan to blow up the school infront of Principal.
    
15. Playing with fire is fun.
    
16. .Have jug of water when playing with fire.
    
17. When they say highly inflatable, they mean it.
    
18. Do not put head into large bucket of cleaning solution thinking it's for 'bobbing for apples'.
    
19. When you push people down the stairs make sure no one sees you do it.
    
20. Refrain from shouting at desk during middle of class.
    
21. Schedual re-match with the air.
    
22. Kill the air.
    
23. Annihalate the walls.
    
24. Take over world by making furby do what you want.
    
25. After taking over world flush all furbies down toilet.
    
26. Do not forget any furbies.
    
27. In corrolation with above note, the furbies you forget will kill you.

1. tortilla chips are nasty, and probably poison, do not eat.
   
2. stop trying to stick to walls. you are not Spiderman... yet.
   
3. kill him for staring at you
   
4. RP is not real, stop attacking others.
   
5. new informations has arisen, disregard last note.
   
6. look into radiation and spiders.
   
7. Spider has increased substantially in size due to radiation. avoid bites at all costs.
   
8. the leprechaun on the cereal box said that i couldn't get his lucky charms... catch and castrate the leprechaun.
   
9. rub it in
   
10. next time you kill him make sure he's dead
    
11. the spider is safely tucked away in your bedroom closet
    
12. stop taunting me
    
13. don't sleep in soup, drowning is rather unpleasant.
    
14. he is in league with the spider, kill them both.
    
15. don't taunt God, he is very vengeful.
    
16. lightning, what the hell?
    
17. your spoon is not vorpal, remember this next time trying to kill the spider.
    
18. he is real, no matter what the men in white coats say.
    
19. flying may cause drowsiness
    
20. spider has been successfully released into the wild.
    
21. in absence of radioactive spider bite, look into super soldier serum, and high powered suction cups.
    
22. the line between superhero / supervillain is a thin line indeed.
    
23. kill him this time
    
24. pissed God off, gotta' r...

1. Gasoline cans must be held with writing facing forward , otherwise you do not look conspicious enough.
   
2. diamonds are a girls best friend .. but do not make very good pets.
   
3. random is a way of life
   
4. Quizzes to find out if you are really you only confuse matters.
   
5. Re.before note ... matters are there to be confused, take more quizzes
   
6. find an underground lair, decorate with cinnamon snaps and other delights.
   
7. Therefore becoming the gangster version of the witch from hansel and gretel.
   
8. Find a hansel and a gretel but name them zebadiah and yona. (why is it that Z and Y never get featured in fairy stories)
   
9. When wheeling actors around in boxes put airholes in the bottom, the actor will thank you.
   
10. Do NOT take large lattice boxes down stage steps in the dark. make somebody else do it for you.
    
11. Forget about the underground lair plan, move to Iowa and start a llama farm instead.
    
12. stop saying "my kingdom for a moose"
    
13. Moose do not like kingdoms
    
14. Count pickles! for obvious reasons.
    
15. decide on a name for llama farm , treat the llamas with much respect and gratitude.
    
16. Save the world from the evil that is cheese - strings
    
17. Laugh at james' blank expression and flailing arms when he dances.
    
18. Arl arl arl is the word of the fish .
    
19. Rain ....... go rain go
    
20. Do not leap around exclaiming fly my pretties fly , one day somebody may fly and will be lost forever.
    
21. Find a minion ..... they make me giggle.

1. Eggo waffles do NOT solve all your problems!!!!
2. THAT’S MY WAFFLE!!!!!!!!!
3. Typing with your toes isn't the fastest way to send an e-mail.
4. Remember to open your eyes.
   
5. Poke. Poke. Poke. Repeat this as often as possible.
   
6. Paper is not the main ingredient in Lucky Charms.
   
7. Everything tastes like chicken.
   
8. What does chicken taste like?
   
9. Pick up TV stations with you braces.
   
10. Do not put your fingers in the paper shredder!
    
11. Go to bed at some point.
    
12. Your LA teachers are not evil power holding spiders waiting to attach you at the moment you least expect it.
    
13. Sprout the wings of a bat, walk like a zombie while singing “Row Row Row Your Boat” through a car wash.
    
14. Start listening to music in your own language.
    
15. Don’t mistake your ferret for an ottsel.
    
16. Beat Jak and Daxter for the 17^th time this week.
    
17. Gol is not hiding under your bed.
    
18. Disregard last note. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
    
19. Stay away from people that have purple/blue skin.
    
20. Die your hair gray.
    
21. Don’t mess with a big yellow lizard.
    
22. Stop banging your head against the computer monitor.
    
23. Make sure to freak people out with your blue and white tail.
    
24. Grass is taking over the world. Have you noticed it’s everywhere?

1. You are not a god.
   
2. No, really, you aren't.
   
3. My energies = mc squared. Pity I'm such a puny god.
   
4. You are not a god.
   
5. /home is a directory on your computer. CDing here on your friend's computer and passing out on the keyboard is not going to cause you to wake up at your home computer.
   
6. Maybe if you were a god it would.
   
7. But you're not.
   
8. cd /pub find -n *.single_1337_sexy_female | ./approach
   
9. The above pickup line may or may not work; attempt. It's linux, so the worst it can get you is blank looks - no fatal exceptions.
   
10. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
    
11. In case of other maniacs stealing your thunder, carry a dozen socks around.
    
12. The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes round the tree, and comes back into the hole.
    
13. Or does it?
    
14. Buy shoes with velcro
    
15. cd /pub | more beer is a witty phrase on a t-shirt you saw on a website, NOT a way to get underage drinks.
    
16. You are not a god.
    
17. Darkness called but I was on the phone so I missed it. I tried to *69 darkness, but his machine picked up. So I shouted 'darkness, pick up the phone' but he ignored me'. Darkness must have been screening his calls.
    
18. You are not the demon hunter...
    
19. ...so don't light yourself on fire and explain it off as 'I'm immolating'.
    
20. You do not level up after 2 hours of studying. I'm sorry, but you don't.
    
21. It takes at least 3 hours.
    
22. You are not a character in an rpg...
    
23. ...so your growth curve is depressingly steep.
    
24. You may or may not have a growth curve. Investigate this.
    
25. Insults that end with "rice" are best reserved for other geeks who know about rice.
    
26. Same with compliments.
    
27. Buy some rice.
    
28. Buy some monkeys.
    
29. Use rice with monkeys
    
30. This doesn't seem to work
    
31. You are not asian you damned wannabe.
    
32. You are not a character in a crap old adventure game.
    
33. If anyone asks, you're a god, the demon-hunter, a character in an rpg and a character in a crap old adventure game - but you know that you're not.
    
34. Don't you?
    
35. Your favourite band is: Cel... Metallica! METALLICA DAMMIT!
    
36. Your favourite colour is: Pi... BLACK
    
37. You are not the eternal phool
    
38. Sign your emails with it anyway.
    
39. You are not an uberhacker
    
40. Pretend to be one around n00bs anyway
    
41. Douglas adams is the man...
    
42. ...therefore it would be wrong to make a document with any more or any less notes than this number right here.

1. No matter how hard you try people will keep talking.
   
2. The universe is a big play ground that's why they keep sending all the annoying people to go play out in it.
   
3. Kill everyone you don't like. You'll feel better.
   
4. Disregard the last note for law purposes.
   
5. Disregard the last note's disregard... you'll go to the insane asylum not prison and you've been there before.
   
6. DO NOT obey the voice in your head. He just wants to see you naked.
   
7. Buy a two room apartment.. I'm tired of sharing a room with me.
   
8. Find out who made the word Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and torture them
   
9. Say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious to everyone you pass on the street.
   
10. They are coming to get you. Lock your doors.
    
11. They can walk through doors... go get a revolver
    
12. They are ghosts.. Sell revolver
    
13. Can't sleep.. I keep dreaming of Teletubies
    
14. No matter what people say, Chad Kroeger is a god..
    
15. School is hell. Everyone can say they've been there.
    
16. Stare at random people. See how scared they get.
    
17. Growl at dogs.. note reactions.
    
18. Sell annoying little brother.
    
19. Retract last note.. No allowance for the rest of your natural life if you do.
    
20. Retract the retract.. Go get a job after.
    
21. After you're put in the white padded room ask for a play mate.
    
22. Make play mate go terribly insane so you get to jump off the padded walls by yourself.
    
23. Jump around in the padded white room.
    
24. Find more victims and repeat procedure.
    
25. DO NOT go out with voice number 7...  He's a sadistic demon who only wants to suck out your soul..
    
26. Go out with voice number 7.. who needs a soul anyway?
    
27. Ask Satan to give you a bigger pitch fork..
    
28. Become an angel.
    
29. When failing to become an angel.. go back to note 21.
    
30. Ask for pointed objects.
    
31. Ask for more sticky notes to decorate with...

1. Do not tell small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood
   
2. Place a sand pit lid on your head
   
3. tell everyone how useful it is for stopping meteorites
   
4. when in the library, yell incoming as loud as you can and dive behind the nearest bookcase
   
5. ignore the librarian, he knows nothing, only you can save the world
   
6. tell him that
   
7. ditto any men in white coats
   
8. even if they’re only lab technicians
   
9. head back against seat, relax and pull the handle marked "eject"
   
10. scream, doctors don’t like it, they give you an injection of something nice
    
11. don’t get banned from hospitals, it can be inconvenient
    
12. blame Microsoft for destroying your marriage
    
13. sue
    
14. win because this is America, remember?
    
15. beg people you meet in the street for forgiveness, it freaks them out
    
16. wear a Russian fur hat and when you get arrested complain that you could do that "back home"
    
17. hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions
    
18. eat the evidence
    
19. but not if it's broken glass

1. Powdered milk is the antichrist, remember that.
2. Destroy anything that even resembles a cow.
3. Melted cheese is NOT good for watering plants.
4. I wonder who went up to a cow and said "I'll squeeze these and drink whatever comes out."
5. Mayonnaise has feelings too.
6. Humor stupid people, it makes them feel intellegent.
7. Plot to take over the earth using farm fowl.
8. Strike that; rubber suited, fire breathing far fowl are more efficient.
9. Never stand up in class and shout, "Dance, dance you little monkeys!"..People might stare.
10. You are not a flying slice of balogna.
11. When in the presence of someone more wise than yourself, point in a random direction and say, "Look, a distraction!"  Then run.
12. Number twelve is too good to have its own note, so move on to thirteen.
13. No matter how much candy you have, you will always want more.
14. Do not tell children Santa Claus is fat because he eats little kids.

1. there is not a Matrix no mater what the funny men in sunglasses say
2. scratch last note
3. gun violence is fun around Britney Spears
4. lern hoo tpo yype
5. learn how to count
6. Disney scares me.
7. so do churches.
8. Puff the Magic dragon lives by the sea, not in my sock drawer.
9. windows is evil.
10. cd burners rarely work in destroying cds.
11. clean inside of CD burner.
12. my computer desk was not made to be sat on.
13. the truth is out there, not at the bottom of my cereal box.
14. mp3 players were not ment to be dropped on concrete.
15. stop trying to pretend you have any cool stuff.
16. stop trying to pretend you have a life.
17. look for a life. if you cant find one, take one.
    preferably from someone popular.
18. loudly pointing out faults in Toys R Us action figures will get you nowhere.
19. "Baka" is a useful word.
20. i am not the queen of cheese.
21. or am i?
22. find duct tape.
23. try to remember phone number.
24. electrocuting yourself is not acceptible entertainment.
25. goover speling leson s agin.
26. the tv remote does not taste like chicken.
27. how can this be a liquid crystal display when it's not molten?
28. remember to try to rembember to try to publish theory of universe.
29. read more science fiction.
30. all my base, under no condition, belongs to them.
31. try to understand previous note.
32. try to understand note number 28.
33. learn how to draw.

1. Your toes are not french fries, please don't eat them.
2. Don't point at crazy people.
3. Don't ask the dog if it's hungry, it won't answer back.
4. Pick up pet  t-shirt from the cleaners.
5. Don't mess with Barney, he's been know to bust a few caps.
6. You are NOT Snoop Dogg.
7. Kill the people that you hate.
8. Disregard the last note for law purposes.
9. 1, 2 Freddy's comin' for you...
10. 3, 4 Lock your door...
11. 5, 6 crusafix...
12. 7, 8 Lock the gate...
13. 9, 10 He's back again
14. Arm yourself
15. Run and hide
16. Steal neighbors cat
17. Dye it blue, call it Sally
18. When neighbors ask if you've seen their cat, hide Sally, speak in a different language and scare them away
19. When neighbors call cops, do this:
    1. Cut your hair
    2. Grow a beard
    3. Move to Iceland
20. Buy more sticky no-

1. dah, as we all know, the devil is out to get you..
2. And the devil's name is Alzheimer's
3. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
4. (damn, guess its time we used one of those..)
5. On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
6. stock up on ballpoint pens
7. give ballpoint pen to every little kid you see (make sure to tell them that pens are very tasty..)
   
8. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
9. Be sure to go to the pet store, and ask for the biggest spiders they have.
10. ignore clerk when they ask why..
11. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow, so stop trying..
12. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
13. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
14. Go back in time, find that dentist, and bring him back to the present time to help you with your evil plot of world destruction.

~ clean room
~ wonder what colour the carpet is?
~ take over world
~ for security reasons, burn last note
~O.O put stuff back on the floor....carpet is pink...
~PINK CARPET!!
~ must hide from the voices
~ still hear them, find a better place
~ listen to voices
~scratch last note
~disregard last post
~ pay no attention to last note
~ what am i doing?
~ remember to look confused when they ask your name... they may leave you alone then
~ talk to yourself, after all you have all the answers
~ you don't have all the answers.
~ don't talk to yourself, that brings the men with the lab coats
~ arguing with the wall brings them too
~ remember if you are going to argue with the wall you must win.
~ when they place you in the round room, don't look for the corner
~ insist on writing only in invisible ink from now on
~
~
~all right, back to regular ink... can't read invisible ink

1. Before trying to jump off of tall building find out how to fly
2. Learn how to fly, tell no one
3. The key to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing
4. Learn how to get on the roof of tall building… test theory
5. Don't tell your friends… they will only try to stop you
6. On second thought tell friends… convince them to try your theory for you
7. Test theory late at night… it is easier to dispose of the bodies
8. Do not stick fingers in the blender
9. Find a way to reattach your fingers
10. Dead friends could have come in use by now
11. Blood loss is bad
12. Gullible is written on the ceiling!

2. While doing work-study at college at the Art Department, teach the ceramics students little sons and daugthers to throw students and teachers pottery against the wall. Watch students and teachers reaction.
1. On second thought, run!
3. Dance along in public when theres no music around. Watch people's reaction.
7. Write lists numbers in random order and say you just feel like doing so even tough the truth is you don't know how to count.
85. Mispell stoopeed. It's fun.
4! Use punc;tuation. in wro.ng places,
9. Your PC is crazy. Call the famous men in white coats and tell them about it. They'll fix it.
3. Your house makes funny noises... sometimes it talks too. Ignore it... or call the man in white coats, again. They'll fix it.
3. Men in white coats are sexy.
3. ..........I've lost. cou:nt on th?e list"
0. Make funny faces while talking to people. Watch their reaction.
22. Take all "notes to self" on this web page seriously. They'll help you carry on a healthier life.
6. Or they'll earn you a visit from the famous men in white coats.
8. Mmmm, men in white coats. *[flies away day dreaming]* they should become a boyband or something. They are so famous in this place.
5. Your friend at college says hes a leprechaun (or however you spell it). Believe him.
14. Put nicknames to everyone you know and call them by those. Do not call them by their real name, especially if you dont remember it.
98. Make bad cartwheels at school in front of people. The worst the cartwheel looks the better, and try to fall on your face from time to time while doing it.
6. Let chickens loose in The Pentagon while jumping around and shouting "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"
Back to Top

1. It’s almost Christmas. Buy presents for everyone who might buy one for you.
2. Get money, THEN buy presents. Otherwise men in black suits will hunt you down and arrest you.
3. Return all presents back to stores and get money back. Bastards didn’t buy you anything.
4. Repurchase said gifts and send to said bastards, in attempt to induce massive guilt trips in each
5. Massive guilt trips = Searches for reprieve = Lucrative
6. Failure. Bastards welcome presents but do not feel guilt; probably because, well, they’re bastards.
7. Consider possibly annihilating selfish bastards with sniper rifle. Look into sniper rifles.
8. Cancel note 7. Not old enough to purchase sniper rifle.
9. Alter note 7. Look into black market.
10. Cancel note 9. Black market filled with scary African men with semi-auto rifles and poached ivory.
11. Alter note 9. Look into NRA.
12. Cancel note 11. NRA is… NRA.
13. Consider joining non-Christmas-including religion.
14. Cancel note 13. All religions have own versions of commercialized bastard holiday.
15. Consider creating new, Christmas-free religion for self and others interested.
16. Cancel note 15. No others interested, and Dad won’t let me start a new religion.
17. Consider sabotaging Christmas for the rest of Humanity’s existence.
18. Cancel note 17. Grinch beat me to it. >.<
19. Cancel note 18. Grinch turned good at last moment and restored Christmas. Proceed with plan to sabotage Christmas.
20. Failure. Me + Guns + Christian FBI agents = life in prison. Sigh.

1. I can't fly.
2. Try not to chew gummy watermelons again when I still have my braces on. The dentist didn't like picking out every individual molecule of sticky sugar, though he liked the payroll.
3. Taking over the local city and/or world isn't as easy as Lex Luthor makes it seem.
4. Flamethrowing is fun...
5. Er, wait. It's *not* fun when you're located in a match-making company.
6. There's at least *2* different kinds of match-making companies. One makes matches. The other makes people-matches.
7. Finding a person from the match-making company doesn't work as well as it claims it does.
8. People from a match-making company with matches are fun to be with, but not fun to live with. (In a log cabin in the forest.)
9. Money is a good thing.
10. Working at McDonald's does not help to acquire large amounts of money.
11. Listening to Japanese music is fun. Trying to sing with Japanese music is fun as well.
12. The above note may be true, but it is NOT fun trying to sing Japanese in Japan.
13. Learn Japanese.
14. Learn what the hell I said to make Mr. Japanese Guy pissed-off enough to throw me off the top of the building.
15. I can't fly.
16. I am not an anime character.
17. Gnomes may be my friends, but underpants gnomes are not.
18. It's fun being random, unless you randomly suggest how huge and ugly that ganster-like mannequin is and it comes to life.
19. Punches don't feel good.
20. I can't fly.
21. Oscar Wilde is not a femminist.
22. Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia means "fear of long words".
23. I am a hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobiac. AAAAAAH!
24. Buddha = cool.
25. Guy holding up sign saying "harrassing women is our right" = uncool.
26. Try not to say "shibby" in front of parents. They believe it is something else.
27. ESPECIALLY don't try describing one of Mom's meals with the word "shibby".
28. Algebra = uncool.
29. L33T 15 |\|07 4 <0|\|fu51|\|g [4|\|gu4g3 0|\|<3 j00 [34r|\| 17.
30. Cows may be orange in Brazil, but that does not give me permission to paint my cat blue.
31. Mother does not appreciate randomness.
32. Mother also does not like Japanese music.
33. Turn up Japanese music as loudly as can when near Mother.
34. Also demurely comment on the weather during Mother's "mysterious" house fire, and hope she'll wonder why you're being so random and calm whilst her house is on fire.
35. Fire = fun.
36. Whoever put 's' in 'lisp' = uncool.
37. The voice inside my head is NOT my conscience, so I should stop listening to it.
38. Never take ex-lax and the stuff that makes you constipated at the same time.
39. Just because they're yummy, chewable vitamins does NOT mean you can eat Shamu! I won't let you!
40. Scratch plan of burning Mommy's house. She will find me guilty.
41. Endless paper = fun.
42. Voodoo dolls at campgrounds = fun until everyone discovers it was you.
43. Magic = fun.
44. Magic = scary as hell when backfires.
45. Remember to put dog out with water when it's on fire, NOT with red tub of smelly stuff labeled 'Gasoline'.
46. Remember to read containers before using them.
47. Contrary to popular belief, school is NOT a way to educate the youth of the nation. The government is trying to warp small brains into becoming their slaves, bent to obey the evil political demands of the current hypocritical government.
48. A recording of a camel's moan was slowed down and used as the sound of the tornado in the movie Twister.
49. When I grow up, I will not vote and I will not participate in government-related objectives. That way, can claim government does not represent me when things screw up.
50. Must remember last note whilst being brainwashed at school. Must remember last note...must remember last note...
51. I have short-term memory loss.
52. I have short-term memory loss.
53. I have short-term memory loss.
54. I have short-term memory loss.
55. Never-ending paper is not really never-endi

1. Don't use the toilet for the heck of it.
2. The toilets are planning something.
3. I think it's because you were using the toilet for no reason.
4. Don't drop your cell phone in the bathwater.
5. It kind of kills it.
6. Yup, the toilets are definitly out to get you.
7. Kill all toilets.
8. For legal purposes, destroy last note.
9. For survival rights, ignore last note.
10. I do have voices in my head, the Oompa Loompas ARE out to get me, no matter what the men in the white coats say!
11. Kill that piece of paper that manifests itself on your computer, it's in league with the Oompa Loompas.
12. The Oompa Loompas and the piece of paper are in league with the toilets.
13. Kill all pieces of computer paper...
14. Leaving one out will lead to nasty paper cuts from their friends.
15. After you've killed the paper, move to furbies.
16. Burn all furbies alive.
17. Why? Because you can.
18. Okay, the voice in my head just confirmed that the Oompa Loompas are not out to get me...so what are they doing with their cell phones?
19. Run. Run very fast. Run from the Oompa Loompas!
20. Buy more post-its.

1. Do the dishes.
2. Weeee, pretty bubbles!
3. Pretend to be like that lady and dance around with dishsoap.
4. When called immature by mother, counter w ith "You old bag."
5. Do not trip on stairs going up to room.
6. Weeee, pretty room!
7. Have conference with Bill, Patty, and Tom, the  Voices to your shrink, your pals to self.
8. Plot old lady's demise.
9. Decide to let her live-You need money.
10. And food. Look for food.
11. See basset hound.
12. Eat basset hound.
13. Nevermind-basset hound runs faster than you.
14. And is a stuffed animal.
15. Stuffed animals=out to get you.
16. Chat with Hannah.
17. Wonder why British people who live in your ankle are so damned cranky.
18. Go downstairs.
19. Watch the Old One out of the corners of your eyes.
20. Quietly eat dinner.
21. Heh, heh, heh...

1. Every one in the horror films are watching you...
2. Don't watch Chuckie when you're at your friend's house...
3. Especially not when their mom collects dolls.
4. Some dolls are worth a thousand dollars.
5. Some dolls are insured for a thousand dollars..
6. The more you talk the stupider you look.
7. No one cares if you look stupid.
8. I don't care if you look stupid.
9. Every one hears voices, so you're not special.
10. Chuckie really isn't that scary... right??
11. Don't be afraid of Canada...It will dry up and blow away...
12. If you have a doll named Chuckie be very afraid...
13. I don't like the rugrats...Chuckie's evil...
14. You can not compare taxation with out representation to the rules your teacher has that you don't like.
15. Or can you?
16. Anyone who's anyone is no one.
17. Never... ever play with matches...
18. Especially in a paper factory...
19. Cheese is good.
20. Cheese doesn't burn as well as paper.
21. Bob the builder can't build everything...
22. Especially not my friend's house.
23. Don't burn down your friend's house because you think their mom's dolls are watching you.
24. Even though they were...
25. Don't watch Chuckie... at all... period...
26. If you have nightmares because you didn't listen to #25 run out into the middle of the street screaming "THEY'RE AFTER ME.... KILL THEM ALL... AHHHHHHHHHHH..." and bring out your doll that you covered with red paint...
27. If your neighbors yell at you, yell back "YOU'RE NEXT" and run back into your house laughing maniacally.
28. The next day put a sign on their door written in red paint 'I'm coming to get you..."
29. Scream as much as possible at 2 am in the morning the next night
30. Stop watching Chuckie...

1. Finish that report that was due 2 weeks ago.
2. Can't concentrate...little sister...bouncing off walls like a banshee child...
3. Sell little sister to the gypsies...
4. Sharpening a needle with a razor blade may not have been one of your best ideas.
5. when skydiving, be sure to leap out of a plane and not off of your living room couch.
6. Buu go boom!!!
7. Wait..I'm not Buu...
8. Tabbs go boom!!!
9. The furby is watching you...toss it out the window.
10. Selling little sister to gypsies unsuccessful...they refused to take her.
11. Little sister in league with the evil furby, toss her out the window as well.
12. All is well that ends terribly.
13. Or is that, all is terrible that ends well?
14. Talking fish give me the heeby jeebys...
15. What are they heeby jeebys anyways?
16. Maybe some sort of dance from the 50s...*shrugs*

• You are a ball python, not an anaconda.
• You cannot eat the cats.
• Avoid them for they will attack you.
• There is glass surrounding you.
• You cannot strike the rats on the other side.
• The rats are plotting to kill you.  I see it in their beady eyes...
• Rodents do not like you.
• Stop trying to strike the rats behind the glass.
• Do not listen to that other snake.
• She's in league with the rats.
• The rats are all antichrists.
• New information arises.
• Snakes are the antichrists.
• ...Cool.
• That rat is staring at you.
• I told you to stop trying to strike it.
• Today is feeding da--Ooh, Mousie...

1. Writing ‘health is merely the slowest possible rate @ which a person can die’ on your health folder is not the best way to get on the health teacher’s good side.
2. Thank muted faith for the one liner.
3. Spouting sarcastic nonsense in health class doesn’t help with getting on the teacher’s good side either.
4. Laughing at a friend who is doing the above doesn’t help either.
5. Neither does laughing at the teacher’s blank expression.
6. When the class is quiet and a friend says something stupid to make it that way, Don’t laugh.
7. When a class is quiet during a test and some preppy idiots start talking loudly about their social problems outside the class, Don’t ask the teacher if you can go out and strangle them.
8. When teacher says yes, Don’t tell her you’ll wait until you’re finished with the test so you have more time to run from the cops, it’s a test, people can hear you.
9. Squglly things are fun!
10. Learn to spel.
11. Permanent markers are fun!
12. Nail polish remover removes that marker very well.
13. Nail polish remover is toxic.
14. It tastes bad.
15. Stop licking fingers.
16. Go wash hands.
17. Your friend is wrong.
18. Bob the turkey IS dead.
19. The fact that he was imaginary has nothing to do with it.
20. Again your friend is wrong; she is not a CIA agent out to protect you from your choir teacher out to kill you. Although that would explain a lot.
21. Day after graduating, come back and spill gasoline behind you going through the entire school screaming “You will all perish in flames!”
22. Scratch that, do it quietly during a class period.
23. Park car 10ft. from the point that you stop spilling the liquid.
24. Get in car.
25. Fix lighter to burn on its own.
26. Throw lighter onto gas.
27. Drive away laughing hysterically.
28. Yell out window something to the extent of “Good riddance you pest infected junk yard!”
29. Scratch whole senior prank idea, would have to carry it on to the college level in the next state.
30. Your dog does not breathe that loud.
31. Scratch that, you can hear her outside.
32. Do not talk to your self out loud, it frightens people.
33. Because I said so.
34. Just because your friends tell you monthly that you scare them does not make it true.
35. Having complete strangers tell you that monthly does.
36. The tree on the school grounds will not implode and suck the life out of everything, thus ending the world.
37. The other one to the left will burn down the world first, it’s collecting lightening clouds.
38. Duck tape does solve all problems.
39. Calculate how much room there is between the garage door and ceiling of garage directly proportional to your little brother’s width.
40. Get more duck tape.
41. Raise garage door.
42. Disconnect garage door.
43. Ignore the frightened looks you get form the neighbors.
44. Scratch that, glare at the looks they give you.
45. Take down brother before neighbors call the cops.
46. Bribe him to stay silent.
47. Potato guns shoot far.
48. Point in the opposing direction of your neighbor’s roof.
49. Shoot the other neighbor’s front door, it leaves a bigger dent.
50. Inside of a potato gun, alcohol and firecrackers don’t mix.
51. Outside doesn’t work either.
52. Bribe the little demon in your computer to cooperate.
53. Scratch that, threatening is more fun.
54. Scratch that, bribing keeps your homework typed out.
55. Running down the halls of your school screaming at the top of your lungs : “The evil carnivorous ducks, mutant grass, and radioactive chickens are trying to take over the world!” does not get the point across.
56. Adding: “Run for your pathetic lives!” does.
57. Same for the evil seagulls of death.
58. Bind best friend’s mouth with duck tape so she does not tell any one that some of these are actual note’s to self.
59. Find a way to stop typing what you’re thinking, they might find something out.
60. Glaring at the computer screen when you’re IMing does nothing more then make the little demon mad.
61. If 42 is the answer to the universe, then is 43 the most evil number in the universe?
62. Stay away from 43.
63. While arguing with friends, Don’t use “Just because I believe in a little world in my head doesn’t make it real!” as an argument when your choir teacher is walking past.
64. Because it makes him start to regret the FBI job to kill you that he turned down.
65. The people from the government aren’t out to get you.
66. They are trying to run away from you.
67. The evil, demented person in the mirror is, on the other hand.
68. Fire is fun.
69. Only start bon fires in your driveway.
70. Grass burns.
71. Faster than you can get the hose.
72. Kill all your enemies in the most disturbing way possible.
73. Start with drowning them with fire ants.
74. If that does not work, ties them up and cut them up, chunk-by-chunk.
75. If that does not work, Call Mary Anne for help.
76. Don’t tell anyone about the inside joke.
77. Scratch that: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1166193
78. If all else fails, tie them up and make them listen to your entire list of notes to self, half of which are not posted. This will cause them to go insane.
79. People Don’t want to know about your problems.
80. That’s their problem.
81. Find the creator of pop ups.
82. Kill them
83. Brutally.
84. High explosives Don’t solve most problems
85. They solve ALL problems along with duct tape.
86. Write down important information down
87. Yes, your hand will do fine
88. You’ve been using nail polish remover again, go wash your hands before you die from too much poison intake.
89. Get recorder to remember important information, pen washes off.
90. Put tapes in recorder AND THEN record
91. Dispose of recorder due to the excessive amount of incriminating evidence.
92. Dispose of tapes too
93. The intranet is bad for you.
94. It encourages you that’s why
95. Yes, so do emails and IM’s
96. It’s okay to still use the computer though, just take out that intranet cable
97. That’s the power cable to the city stupid, it was in the ground for a reason.
98. Yes, put it back
99. You have too much spare time, stop writing things that may make the men in white coats come for you, even though they give out nice free jackets.
100. You have reached 100. Stop pestering these poor people.

1. Don’t shoot self in foot
2. Don’t shoot self anywhere
3. Especially, don’t shoot self in head
4. Seeing own brains is just not pretty.
5. Whip cream is good lotion
6. Whip cream is excellent white-out
7. Whip cream is not a good pain-killer
8. Don’t provoke any dragons
9. Wrist does not turn 360 degrees without serious pain
10. Sending teacher exploding cigars for Christmas is not a good way to ace math class
11. Find out who Pete is and why people always say to ‘re’ him.”
12. Find out what ‘re’ means
13. ‘Re’ Pete
14. Or, depending on definition of ‘re,’ don’t ‘re’ Pete.
15. …Oh. So, there is no Pete?
16. Find out who made up the word ‘repeat’ in the first place
17. Learn all the subtleties of the English language.
18. Scratch last note. Speak only in Morse Code.
19. I am not human – I am from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse
20. Tell everyone so.
21. Ignore all evidence brought forth by parents, friends, government officials, etc. I know where I’m from – they are the delusional ones.
22. When in doubt, answer with ‘42’
23. Answer with ‘42’ regardless of question
24. Reread Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and all books in that series 42 times before dying.
25. Memorize Hitchhiker’s Guide and all books in that series. Quote from them often.
26. Stare at the sky. Use Ford Prefect’s line about looking for flying saucers.  Green ones.
27. When actions are called into question, say “Back home what I’m doing is [a sign of great respect/of great religious significance/perfectly normal]”
28. Use above line even in own house – it’s not really my home
29. Call NASA to ask when the next flight to Betelgeuse is.
30. Wear only pants/jackets with big enough pockets to fit all my mini notebooks
31. Don’t forget to put mini notebooks in pockets
32. Write smaller to fit more than one note on each page. Or buy bigger notebooks
33. Don’t forget to take mini notebooks out of pockets when doing laundry
34. Write only in mini notebooks; do not write notes to self in school notebooks teachers will collect, textbooks, homework, tests, quizzes, papers, or anything any teachers will see.
35. Teachers really don't find notes on world domination plan amusing.
36. Potential boyfriends do not consider being stalked a sign of my affection.
37. Potential boyfriends also dislike being called ‘mere mortal’ or ‘earthling,’ nor do they like the idea of dating someone from Betelgeuse.
38. Potential boyfriends do not appreciate displays of randomness and insanity
39. Find a more understanding potential boyfriend. Or just brainwash and enslave them all.
40. Take army of enslaved, brainwashed ex-potential boyfriends and take over the world.
41. Wow, the world sure is quieter since I took it over.  Less populated, too…
42. Phew! Finally made it to 42.

Back to Top

1. Your name is Daniel. Disregard that old man who calls you Jonathan, he is senile.
2. Clearasil is for cleaning your face, Lysol is for cleaning the floor. Using these on the opposite surfaces will result in a lemony fresh face and pimple free floor, neither of which is the desired result.
3. The silvery incorperal person is not real despite what she says.
4. While 42 may be the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything, it is an insufficient answer to most mathmatical problems.
5. Dunk your head in boiling water.
6. Disregard above note, was written by your brother.
7. Have doctor treat results of note number 5.
8. Tape your show.
9. Disregard above note, your show was canceled. Hunt down the monsters who would so that to your show.
10. Disregard above note. New information has revealed that your show had been cancelled years ago and you had been seeing re-runs. The people who originally cancelled 'Bewitched' have already died.
11. Find new favorite show.
12. Tape new favorite show.
13. Go to D&D meeting.
14. Kill the DM after what he put the group through. The bastard must PAY!!!
15. Disregard above note as you are the DM. Attempt not PAYing. Be kinder to players.
16. Be carefull, the D&D group is after you.
17. Disregard above note. the D&D group made peace with you seeing that you are the only one who bothered to learn all the rules.
18. If you haven't been able to read these, put on your glasses.
19. Change number 18 to number 1.
20. There is no number 20.
21. Wash, rinse, don't repeat.
22. Listen to George Carlin and Robin Williams, they know all.
23. World Domination is over rated. Start with something small like Liechtenstein.
24. This is the last note.

1. No matter How Good you are at Writing RPG’s... half your friends will call you gay for writing it in the fist place.
2. Blonds that Are in classes like dance & Cheer, Will never understand depressing poetry...ever...
3. Never date Blonds that are in classes like Dance & Cheer...ever...
4. To where pink at school is to Die.
5. You friends consist of: Goths, Outcasts, Geeks, Nobodies, nothings, Hackers, The Shy kids, & a High elf wizard named Zem’zaellinkinvalishmar who is 384 years old, considers himself a mere teenager and can teleport you to the plane of fear if the need arises for it
6. Sword of Fire pulse broken gas line = pain, in extreme amounts.
7. All Pissed off blonds you dump will automatically cling to your best friend
8. Life is painful, Death is painful...I really don't see a difference do you?
9. NEVER... EVER download BONZI buddy.
10. Never carry two swords in one hand bare foot up the stares
11. Sword + Foot = ouchie & a limp at school for a week
12. Sword + foot = no PE class
13. Stupid irrespirable friend (Michael) + dagger + “oh come on a little play battle couldn't hurt” = belly wound.
14. Black clothing always keeps you warm
15. Love at first sight does exist... In faerie tails & prep-planned RPG’s
16. Anime is more addicting than drugs, any drugs....
17. Life sucks... a lot
18. Ice cream Doesn't make everything better
19. But Marilyn Manson in the Dark does
20. Valentine's day is nothing more than an evil ploy devised by Hallmark & every minor candy Store ever made to get you to blow all you cash fore some superficial lover...
21. ...Unless you have a date, then you cant care less...
22. ... But you will still where black on the evil love day, because that stupid ^%&* Dumped you 4 years ago to go out with the stupid jock 8th grader & as such, Twisted you into a little insecure scarred skinny depressed freak, looking for the same...
23. Math sucks
24. no matter how much you bitch about how you hate life & love there is always one person you cant stop thinking about.... This person has no clue you exist
25. ...When they Realize you exist they don't like you & think you are a vampire trying to get them into a false sense of security
26. Black Clothing In large amounts scars preppy people
27. Black Clothing In large amounts is good
28. Rap Sucks
29. Any music that is depressing or a soundtrack form a major battle scene make you feel better
30. No matter how often you say your not...Every one that is popular will call you an Antichrist for having long hair, Wherein black, writing depressing poetry, ....The list goes on & on
31. Muted Faith makes everything feel better
32. School Dances Completely & totally Suck
33. If you happen to go to a school dance without a date... Find a dark corner... away from people... outside...
34. Pain of the heart always hurts more then physical pain
35. Telling other people not to be depressed doesn't make you a hypocrite, You merely don't want to see them sad....