The Newbie

  1. A newbie is easily picked out by his/her amazing strength and ability to dodge attacks...even fireballs cast at point-blank range.

  2. The vulnerability that all creatures have, no matter how strong or skilled they are, doesn't seem to exist with people who've been role-playing less than a year and a half.

  3. You can easily identify new players in the story by the distinct "PC" tatooed on their forehead for at least the first hour.

  4. All bad guys attempt a room kill at least once.

  5. No matter how quietly you say something, someone will always hear you, and, if it involves harming a person or persons, will instantly try to stop "u."

  6. There's always someone who can kick your ass, even if you're as powerful as God.

  7. The roleplaying experience and skill of a player is adversely proportioned to the total value of all of his or her starting equipment. Therefore, the barbarian with no armor armed with a sickle and handaxe will probably outlive you all.

  8. Good role players travel with at least one partner. There’s safety in numbers.

  9. Most newbies type one one-liner, then spend the rest of the RPing time correcting the typos and trying to pick up the opposite sex.

  10. As soon as you get into a fight online with your character in ::hit:: style, the faster typist, no matter what their equipment / weapon, will always win.

  11. Newbies always travel in cult oriented groups in which to greatly increase the annoyance rate to said person.
[The following was contributed by sorcererhunter@]

Telltale Signs of a Newbie
[or rather, what you'd find a newbie saying.]
(finally expressed in words by Deb, Scott, Eve, and Sonny, the RP Veterans.)

  1. I swim out of the Abyss unscathed.
  2. You mean I gotta type THREE whole lines OR MORE??!?!!! *voice raises an octave* No way! That'd take too long! I can't think of that many words at once!
  3. Acckkk!! They're using big words! Like 'big' and 'words'!
  4. They have story lines you have to remember!
  5. Wait a sec... whaddaya mean I can't lop his head off?!? He's just sitting there, prepping!
  6. You mean I have to prepare for and think about my actions?
  7. ex: (*tickles everyone and runs outside*)
    Newbie: *jumps out of the way* ...why are you trying to tickle me.....
  8. Whaddya mean there's no auto?!
  9. You didn't kill me! I can live without my innards!
  10. I enter through a portal from hell.
  11. Yes, I can regrow my legs in one line!
  12. What's this (more) you keep saying?
  13. What does RPG stand for?
  14. Why do you guys keep using those little symbols when you talk?
  15. I can so resurrect myself!
  16. What's Cel-8? And what does that have to do with you charging me?
  17. What're psionics?
  18. What's third person?
  19. What's an ARTOD?
  20. What's prepping again?
  21. Why can't we have images?? They express my feelings...
  22. I walk in and kill you all with my sword.
  24. What's posting again?
  25. Could you please not type so much, I'm getting a headache from reading all that.
  26. *Walks in the castle and Locks eyes with (nearby female)* Hi....can I buy you a drink?
  27. You mean my char has a past?
  28. You mean this country has a name and a history?
  29. What exit?
  30. *Finishes his bottle of Vodka and throws it at the wall. Seeing the coming fight he runs outside*
  31. You have more than one character? Why?!
  32. I revive as your sword kills me and I hit you with my blackjack that I pull out of my pocket.
  33. They always have weapons, even if they're naked.
  34. They dodge the bullet you fired at nearly point blank range, but continue to bitterly inform you in small words you can't dodge the knife they threw at you.
  35. They, even as a human, seem to...not die when attacked with a force that makes Chernobyl look like spilled milk because, without prepping, they held their breath.
  36. They, again even as a human, have enough power to make their gods quiver in sheer terror of them, even though they go completely unnoticed in a normal roadside tavern while hitting on the taken women/men.
  37. They don't recognize rpg slang (online and otherwise) and refuse to ask what it means, thus, making a total fool of himself.
    Player: (mind if I talk ooc for awhile?)
    Newbie: (Sure, it's an open tavern!)
  38. They type with too many extra spaces and terrible punctuation or punctuation where it isn't typically used in the online system. And they cap nearly every word.
    "i Am Here To Save You."
  39. They all choose to play Goku or Trunks, being somehow incapacitated in the creative department. (Now, I know some other guys that have played the DBZ c's that weren't newbies, but then again, they have more than just that one guy.)
  40. Spelink iz licke thez.
  41. They insist that their character is stronger than you and assume that just by swearing at you and calling YOU a newbie that their character can kill you. When you offer to fight...they "have to leave."
  42. You walk into the room and this guy you've never heard of before seems to magically know your name...
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