La Femme Fatale

1. All women have long hair that plays just right about their faces, ample breasts, tight or hanging clothing, and an irresistable smile, whether they want to or not.

2. Many women are not really women.

3. Women who have ample breasts, skin-tight clothing, voluptuous curves, and pretty much anything else that belong to the stereotypical male fantasy...are usually men.

4. Women are more likely to have weapons, armor, equipment, and favors over men... which could be why men choose to play women characters. That or they just want to fulfill their lesbian fantasies.

5. If a man plays a girl, expect her to be a lesbian.

6. Women's laughter is always soft and tinkling like silver bells - never obnoxious snorts.

7. If you happen across a young, beautiful woman wearing a slightly confused expression on her voluptuous cherry-red lips, who has amnesia, and cannot remember who she is or where she came from, you can be certain that she is really a Princess or a Queen from a neighboring country, who has but recently escaped her own country and fled to this one in fear of her very life.

8. Remember: everyone is originally female. Men only exist by genetic accident.

9. Hair comes in vast amounts and in an odd color which seems to float in the air rather than lay flat as Gravity demands.

10. In the middle of the not very packed dance floor, expect a lesbian floor show.

11. Female elves are either uncommonly noble and wise, or uncommonly evil and wise. Oh, and always have piercing eyes. The eyes are mandatory.

12. If you had a past lover/wife who died, she will always manage to come back as soon as you get a girlfriend.

13. If a girl likes you she will be slaughtered right away or be an evil nymph/vampire/dryad who is killing you to save herself.

14. Sexy women characters are eiter total sluts that will sleep with anyone but you or they're sworn to chastity.

15. Whenever a door or building is blocked off by guards, any attempt to charm your way past them by a female character will either work beautifully or fail due to the fact that the men are hermaphrodites.

16. Most women have red hair. And the majority of them are elves.

17. Women never have bad hair-days when trying to charm the hero into committing an evil deed.

18. The princess can beat any of the palace guards in a fair duel, but will always get kidnapped by a half-skilled lackey.

19. Most of the time, the NPC that is in charge of everything (but is not as strong as your character and unable to save the kingdom) is female.

20. Most females will have a horse or unicorn of some sort with them. The horse or unicorn will often match their hair color.

21. Every female character has to have eyes of the most unlikely colors - seawater blue-green, stunning violet, shimmering silver, amber, etc. You will never ever see brown eyes or brown hair (unless it is 'chestnut locks' or 'chocolate curls').

22. Nine of ten times, the beautiful women will hit on the paladin who is sworn to chastity.

23. People wanting to hook up will always drop not-so-subtle-subtle hints, such as, ::Engraine is tall and strong willed, slender and blonde. She is also single and looking. She is...so on, so forth::

24. No matter what a girl's character is, she will ALWAYS have something beautiful in her features. You never find a truly ugly heroine, or even a truly ugly side kick.

25. Every princess, no matter HOW stupid or spoiled, knows how to wield a sword.

26. Common elf female names: Kira, Arwen, Luthien, Cassandra, Freaya.

27. All of these female elves will be princesses.