Children

1. Beware of children. Most of them are at least two hundred years old.

2. Beware of adults. Most of them are older.

3. All children, even those who are two-hundred years old, have lisps.

4. Any child character you come across is guaranteed to have none of the following:  parents, respect for authority, proper clothing, food, a place to sleep, manners.  However, they will all be such excellent professional thieves despite their tender age that you will never see them pick your pocket.

5. Pedophilia isn't really pediophilia if no one remembers your character is ten.

6. Pregnancies come to term in approximately 1-2 weeks.  Children are 10 and able to speak 5 days later.

7. There are no parents. They have all been killed in some horrid fashion.

8. Any RP-character who appears to be "child like" (retarded) can see the future but is unable to warn his/her companions.

9. Any parents that might somehow exist are great parents. splendid parents, super parents in great terms with their offspring. No matter how rude they usually are, they are ALWAYS great parents towards their kids.

10. In case this might be a little different, it is always possible to disown your children.

11. You can always disown your parents, too.

12. Most children, no matter how much experience they have, know how to seduce someone better than adults.

13. Children do not have fear of the undead, the horribly disfigured, or monsters of any kind.

14. If you have "children" with another role-player, they will always be smarter than the adults, and better looking.

15. Your children will be killed off either by a fatal accident [i.e., earthquake], or your father's arch-enemies.

16. If your children aren't killed off, you are.. To return one minute later as the same person with no emotional attachments to the above characters.

17. All children are cute, even if their biological parents are some sort of tapeworm.

18. All children have golden-colored hair with bangs, pigtails, or both.

19. Children are disgustingly innocent, and constantly asking "Where Babies Come From."

20. Most children carry some sort of rag doll or other form of attachment. It will almost always be ratty or a huge pile of germs. Kind-hearted souls will offer to trade a priceless jewel for this object, only to be bitten.