The Arsenal and Combat Techniques

  1. Ranged weapons are worthless, as everyone can accurately anticipate projectile attacks and dodge without even breaking conversation.

  2. Guns (usu. flintlocks) are even more worthless than other ranged weapons.  All children in pseudo-medieval settings are taught how to deflect, dodge, or catch bullets as part of their farm-child or noble upbringing.

  3. Exceptions: Crossbows and shuriken wielded by ninja.  Ninja can automatically kill everything in the room, no die roll or storywork required.  Also, all ninja carry a +6 Pouch of Endless Shuriken.  The ones not smart enough for this are issued a standard +1 Belt of Endless Ninja Throwing Star Things.

  4. All barbarians carry a great axe.  All fighters carry a bastard sword.  All paladins carry a longsword.  All rogues carry a rapier and 235,190,578,139,057,390 daggers.  All wizards and sorcerors carry quarterstaves.

  5. Every piece of adamantine or mithral armor will be destroyed by a rust monster shortly after purchase.

  6. Everybody, without exception, is heavily armed at all times.

  7. When fighting in a forest, every tree seems to be strategically placed so you can use it to your advantage.

  8. In any combat scene, the last person to enter into the conflict will be not only inhumanly strong, intelligent, capable, and heroic, but will also end the conflict with one swipe of his or her ancient double-bladed kitana which was handed down from his or her father's father's father, who by the way, was a God and all-powerful, until he was killed by this person, who stole his power and so you can't defeat him anyway, nyah nyah.

  9. The average character can take any random object, and make it into some form of elaborate weapon.

  10. Every dagger thrown at the party is a Dagger of Venom.

  11. Dirty guns don't go in the dishwasher.

  12. All weapons must have ridiculous, dramatic names like 'Forsaken Angel Seraphim Dancing Bird Night.'

  13. When given a choice between a cloak, sword, helm or shield (all magical), 9 out of 10 times, the sword casts damage on the user, the helm makes you invisible but blinds you, the cloak makes you think you are Xena: Warrior Princess (even if you're a 10-year-old sidhe) and the shield will be Bryce, the shield with no other powers save that of annoyance.

  14. People seem to love their weapons more than their traveling companions. Or at least their weapons draw more conversation.

  15. All inanimate objects that can talk or use telepathy are sarcastic, old and opinionated.

  16. Any book that can turn into a very small, silky-pink, hard-biting dog like animal will automatically be part of a necromancer's arsenal.

  17. The less armor someone is wearing, the less damage they will actually take.  Half-naked barbarians can mow down legions of warriors in full plate.

  18. The hero always has room for EVERYTHING in his or her backpack and never suffers from neck strain.

  19. Currency always consists of gold coins.

  20. The dude with the gun in medevial times is always the bounty hunter.
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