Adventuring!

1. While exploring, NEVER wander off by yourself. You will always get teleported, kidnapped, slaughtered, ambushed, assassinated, etc, etc...

2. All reward gold shall be spent on ale, whores, and trinkets.

3. With so many bastards walking around trying to find or avenge their parents, it's amazing anyone ever finds 'true love.'

4. No matter what unknown and deserted forest your character happens to be walking through, even if it's the dead of night, within 2 minutes there are at least 3 other people who've said hello and 10 others hiding and watching from the shadows or bushes.
   Never trust the ones who say hello. The ones in the shadows are always the good guys.

5. You will always hear about some level 30 party going down and getting killed right away. And you will never find anything about them or hear anything more from them. If you do a kobold will be standing over the corpse saying he killed them.

6. He will either then be godly and smite you or weak and die when you touch him.

7. Whenever you have broken your sword, axe, hammer etc./snapped your bow/lost your daggers/broke one of your limbs or otherwise hurt yourself/have amnesia/have no friends whatsoever, someone always conjures a goblin raid. Guess who's directly in their path? Oh, and their leader just happens to have a personal vendetta against you.

8. Evil guys always live in overly large castles built in a fashion that requires you to find upwards of 50 keys or other seemingly useless items, just to find the restroom.

9. They also have an insatiable desire to sit and wait for the party in the single largest room in the back of the place that requires every single door in the castle be unlocked to get to him.

10. In forests, there are abundant low to the ground limbs, and half the people usually perch there.

11. If somebody talks to themselves or something on them, expect them/it to be possessed by some uber powerful demon that only they can barely control.

12. They will also lose said control to said demon in a fight and promptly destroy whatever they're fighting...

13. ... and half of anything surrounding them (towns, forests, little furry bunny rabbits).

14. No matter how good your hearing/smell is, there's always someone behind you.

15. The evil villain will always be "expecting you."

16. Faeries are only friendly until you steal their magical amulet.

17. Why would someone ask you to complete a quest for them, then try to kill you at the end? If they could kill you after you killed the many scary powerful monsters, wouldn't it have just been easier for them to kill the monsters themselves? Isn't that defeating the purpose?

18. Everyone has awful, gut-wrenching, illegal drug-laced pasts that put the "fun" in dysfunctional. If they don't have that, they have families that would be rejected from the Jerry Springer show.

19. People sleeping in trees are some how trying to get your attention, although it is seemingly impossible to do so while sleeping.

20. Killing the important plot character who the DM spent hours upon hours developing before he tells you of your sacred quest which took days to create will always have very dire ramifications that will haunt you for the rest of your role-playing with that DM.