Science and Theories

  1. In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
  2. A scientist can discover a new star, but he cannot make one. He would have to ask an engineer to do that.
  3. Photons have mass?! I didn't even know they were Catholic...
  4. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
  5. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
  6. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.
  7. The surest sign that there is intelligent life somewhere in the Universe is that it hasn't tried to contact us.
  8. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  9. If you touch a phosphorous lighting lamp for consecutive hours, you may develop a tumor.
  10. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal ideas from many is research.
  11. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands.
  12. I have not failed. I have just found ten thousand ways that will not work.
  13. All that glitters has a high refractive index.
  14. Trees don't fall in the forest when no one's around to see them. Sometimes they just happen to be on the ground when you see them again.
  15. Duct tape is like the force, it has a Light side and a Dark side and it holds the Universe together.
  16. A conclusion is what you reach when you get tired of thinking.
  17. It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
  18. Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.
  19. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
  20. I was thrown out of college for cheating on my metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the guy next to me.
  21. Quantum Particles: the dreams that stuff is made of.
  22. The speed of time is one second per second.
  23. According to Newton, nothing can travel at the speed of light. Not even light.
  24. In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded. (Terry Pratchett)
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