Religion

1. A dyslexic agnostic doesn't believe in Dog.
2. It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
3. In the beginning there was nothing. And God said, 'let there be light,' and there was still nothing; but everybody could see it.
4. When did I realize I was God? Well I was praying, and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
5. There is nothing two people can't do as long as one of them is God.
6. A christian is a man who feels repentant on a Sunday, for what he did on Saturday and will do again on Monday.
7. A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
8. We'll get along just fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
9. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
10. If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.
11. Celibacy is not hereditary.
12. Where am I going? And why am I in this HANDBASKET?
13. When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
14. Faith is not faith until it's all you're holding on to.
15. 668: the neighbor of the Beast.
16. A Frisbeterian believes that when you die, your soul goes up to the roof, and you can't get it back down.
17. God is real, unless declared as an integer.
18. God's noblest work? Man. Who found it out? Man.
19. Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra!
20. Save sinners! You can redeem them for prizes at the front desk.
21. There was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages.
22. The government has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof.
23. Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other sins are inverted nonsense.
24. That was Zen. This is Tao.
25. The meaning of life: we are all here because it was too crowded where we were supposed to go.
26. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
27. Follow God and he’ll lead you where you should be.  Follow me and we’ll probably get lost a few times, and wind up on the other side of the galaxy.
28. God created man in his image. Being a gentleman, man did the same to God.
29. Jesus SAVES! Jordon gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!
30. Heresy, Hare-a do.
31. It's all fun and games until some divine creature strikes you down with a bolt of lightning.
32. The dyslexic theorist suffering insomnia is still up all night pondering if there is a Dog.
33. You say heretic like it's a bad thing.
34. 3 best things about heaven.  Location.  Location.  Location.