1. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  2. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  3. Money can't buy happiness; but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
  4. Money can't buy love; but it can rent a very close imitation.
  5. Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
  6. Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
  7. A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
  8. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
  9. Cocaine is God's way of telling you you make way too much money.
  10. Never decide to buy something while listening to the salesman.
  11. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
  12. I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too.
  13. There's nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income.
  14. All I'm asking is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
  15. ...And you thought happiness wasn't affordable!
  16. A penny saved is not worth it.
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