Life, Birth & Time

  1. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
  2. When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
  3. You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game.
  4. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  5. I intend to live forever. So far, so good!
  6. Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.
  7. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
  8. The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once.
  9. Early to rise, and early to bed
    Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.
  10. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
  11. The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.
  12. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  13. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance.
  14. The problem with reality is a lack of background music.
  15. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  16. We’re all in this alone.
  17. Life is a mixture of proteins and preservatives all trapped into a pale, green, gelatinous goo.
  18. I was born at a very early age.
  19. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
  20. So just what are time flies, and why do they like an arrow?
  21. Just when you think you've finally hit the bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
  22. Life is the process of losing our illusions, until we finally lose the illusion that we are alive.
  23. The surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.
  24. Life would be so much easier if everyone read the manual.
  25. Living right doesn't make you live longer. It just makes it seem like longer.
  26. Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
  27. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  28. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  29. Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
  30. Knock hard. Life is deaf.
  31. Blindness is caused by years of intense exposure to light.  If you keep your eyes closed all the time, it is quite likely that you will never go blind.
  32. It is always darkest before dawn.. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
  33. Always remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else.
  34. Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before the luck runs out.
  35. The tree of life is self-pruning.
  36. When your life shatters into a million pieces, pick up the pieces, grab some glue, and make a new one.
  37. Time is merely a waste of reality.
  38. I can't promise that I'll try. But I'll try to try.
  39. A wise man learns from his mistakes. A wiser man learns from others' mistakes.
  40. One good thinga bout Alzheimer's is you meet new people every day.
  41. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.
  42. The meek shall inherit the earth. After we're through with it.
  43. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  44. Just remember.. if the world didn't suck, we'd fall off.
  45. If at first you don't succeed, re-define success.
  46. You live on the edge? I fell off some time ago.
  47. The things that comes to those who wait may be the things left over from those who got there first.
  48. Do not regret growing old. It's a privilege denied to many.
  49. Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
  50. It's a small world, unless you have to paint it.
  51. Do not follow me, for I may not lead. Do not lead me, for I may not follow... Go over there somewhere.
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