Laws and the Obvious

  1. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
  2. Gravity never loses. The best you can hope for is a draw.
  3. Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
  4. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
  5. Logic merely enables one to be wrong with authority.
  6. A healthy, male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his weight in other people's patience.
  7. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  8. It works better if you plug it in first.
  9. A ship floats on the water; but I'll bet you it would float on sand too.
  10. Whatever happens to you, it will have previously happened to everyone else, only more so.
  11. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
  12. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
  13. Of all the people I know, you're one of them.
  14. There is no limit to the amount of good people could accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.
  15. Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
  16. Always turn the radio on BEFORE you listen to it.
  17. No matter how hard you try, you can't fall off the floor.
  18. When all else fails, follow the instructions.
  19. Hofstadter's Law - Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
  20. Murphy's Law is recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
  21. There is no gravity. The Earth sucks.
  22. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability you will get it wrong.
  23. It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
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