Family and Children

  1. Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law on a milk carton.
  2. You can't scare me, I have children.
  3. It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents. It's how he found out.
  4. Be nice to your kids, they're the ones that choose your nursing home.
  5. There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or tell your kids not to do it.
  6. Kids in the backseat cause accidents. Accidents in the backseat cause kids.
  7. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  8. If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
  9. An adolescent is someone who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult.
  10. God made us sisters. Prozac made us friends.
  11. My parents put us to sleep by tossing us in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.
  12. The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of their tires.
  13. The more you disapprove, the more fun it is for me.
  14. I lost my mind! I think my kids took it.
  15. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all!
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