Drinking and Addictions

  1. Practice safe snacking - use condiments.
  2. I drink to make other people interesting.
  3. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  4. I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
  5. You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  6. Rehab is for quitters.
  7. Never try to lick a glacier.
  8. I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
  9. I got a fortune cookie once that said "You like Chinese food."
  10. Cheerios are donut seeds (^.^)
  11. Fungus is actually alive. Be afraid.
  12. Where subtlety fails, we must simply make do with cream pies.
  13. A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
  14. Reality is a crutch for people who can't face drugs.
  15. Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.
  16. Reality is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
  17. What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.
  18. I say no to drugs. They just don’t listen.
  19. Those nicotine patches work really well, but I heard it was hard to keep them lit.
  20. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
  21. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to.
  22. I'm on a thirty day diet. So far, I have lost 15 days.
  23. I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
  24. Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you forget the question.
  25. If God had intended man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
  26. Drink wet cement - get stoned.
  27. Acid: better living through chemistry.
  28. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down. No problem.
  29. I drink beer to celebrate major events, such as the fall of communism, or the fact that our refrigerator is still working.
  30. I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose.
  31. Don't drink and drive. You might spill your drink.
  32. But ocifer, I swear to drunk I'm not god!
  33. Drugs: accomplish your dreams.
  34. No, I'm not addicted. The drugs are my friends.
  35. Stand on toilet: get high on pot.
  36. A friend with weed is a friend indeed; A friend in need is a bloody pain.
  37. Snorting sherbet will not produce the same effect as snorting coke despite the similarity in appearance.
  38. I'm not addicted to coffee, I just have an acute caffeine dependency.
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