Animals and Nature

1. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
2. I have an irrational fear of hornets. They can fly and I can't, and that's just not fair...
3. God creates dinosaurs. God kills dinosaurs. God creates man. Man kills God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat man... Woman inherits the earth. (Jurassic Park)
4. Outside of a dog, man's best friend is a book. Inside of a dog, it is very dark.
5. A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.
6. A bird in the hand is probably dead.
7. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
8. Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
9. To err is human; to moo, bovine.
10. Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
11. I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
12. I spilled Spot Remover on my dog. He's gone now.
13. What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
14. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
15. Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things.
16. Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
17. I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
18. My goal in life is to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.
19. Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
20. Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.
21. I think animal testing is a bad idea; they get all nervous, and give the wrong answers.
22. Elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
23. Humans were invented by water, for transporting it uphill.
24. I am at two with nature.
25. It is hard to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys.
26. It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds die they would just stay right up there. Hunters would get all confused.
27. Donkey: a horse designed by a study team.
28. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
29. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
30. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a.. no, no, it's a bird.
31. Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
32. Contrary to popular belief, a barrel full of monkeys isn't fun at all, and is in fact quite horrifying.
33. Preserve nature, pickle a squirrel.
34. The more people I meet the more I like my cat.